Man Settlin' Sistahs?! Are You A Settler?

Folks,

Questions of the Day

Sistahs did you settled on your man so you would not die alone? If so, how far did you marry down and do you have regrets in not marrying your equal? Do you think it's a good idea for a woman who is of a higher class to marry someone who is of lower class? Women generally try to marry up in order to improve their life condition and chances of their children. Did you settle, marry down? Or are you one of those women who say "hell no, I ain't settlin' for Mr. Just Barely Good Enough!" Of course compatibility is very important. What do y'all sayeth?

****Note:

Here is a copy of a published letter in the November 2011.

Dear Mrs. Jamie:

I’d like to thank you for having an accomplished and substantive cover in last month’s (August) issue.  It was a welcome relief.

However, my main reason for writing this letter is to respond to the gentleman, Vincent Alford, who wrote in the September issue regarding comments of Ms. LisaRaye not wanting a brother from the block.  He took issue with her attitude and suggested that she thought she was too good and should help a brotha up by marrying one. Mr. Alford, I’m being as respectful as I can when I say, man, have you ingested a hallucinogen?  Why would she want to burden her life by being some grown man’s mama?  I am sure at this point in her life she wants a man wants a man who can hold his own and has accomplished his own life goals.

These kinds of unhealthy attitudes make it difficult for black women to find real partners instead of “fixer-uppers.”  Why can’t we be treated like other women?  Why is it that often we have to take on both roles, leaving us overworked, overburdened and dissatisfied and most import, mad as hell.  Who protects and loves us?  Who covers our backs?  Isn’t that what the men are supposed to be providers and protectors, not leeches?  Lawdy, what in the world has happened where men expect women to take care of them?  The roles have been reversed.

Not wanting a man from the block has nothing to do with “being too good.”  The odds are that you have outgrown the boy who never left the block and have nothing in common.  Your worldview and experiences have broadened.  It’s about compatibility.  I understand raw physical attraction; however, lust is not enough to sustain a relationship if the other components aren’t there.

The question is if you can’t find a reasonably suitable Black man to marry, should you settle, stay singer, or possibly marry out to get a better deal?  I ‘m just asking. 

Regards,

Sistah Patty

Atlanta, GA